[But okay, time for some serious talk. And by serious talk, I mean even more pointed teasing. But contrary to the mood, he is being serious right now. It's not like he's taking Chuuya's feelings lightly, after all.]
Hmm, let's see... what is it you said to me during your little bout of amnesia? Something about a deep connection between us, soulmates-- ah, and how you knew you loved me, even without your memories.
Did my little practical joke make you forget all of that? Or did you simply think I would forget it?
The more Mephisto says, the redder Chuuya becomes, until he greatly resembles a ripe tomato. He doesn’t remember saying any of that, but Mephisto can’t lie to him, so it must be true. God, how embarrassing,..
Shit. This is exactly what he’d tried to avoid by dropping the cake off instead of delivering it in person. His feelings have only grown ever since that day they’d tracked down one of the kidnappers, and they’d simply begun to overflow after the heart to heart they’d had only a few nights before.
But Chuuya is destined to lose whatever makes him happy. Of that he’s convinced himself. And yet, even as he hides his eyes behind the brim of his hat, he can’t help but want it anyway.]
Fine. You’re right. I guess you’re gonna laugh at me now, right?
[But really, while Mephisto can no doubt be cruel, he shouldn’t assume that his feelings will simply be brushed aside. They’ve come to trust each other a great deal, after all...
He looks a bit apologetic as he speaks.]
I wanted to tell you in person, but I didn’t wanna ruin anything. I didn’t think you knew.
[AS IF IT ISN’T OBVIOUS, CHUUYA...]
Edited (Changed a couple things) 2018-09-01 08:46 (UTC)
Oh, perhaps just a bit. You make it hard not to, when you sit there making such interesting expressions.
[But he's not going to let him pull away or hide. When Chuuya bows his head to hide his face, Mephisto is quick to seek him out, reaching out with one hand to tilt up his chin and the other to brush his hair out of his face.]
Did you really think I wouldn't know? You're my familiar. I make it my job to know everything I can about you... ah, not that it wasn't terribly obvious. That you wear your heart on your sleeve is one of the things I adore about you.
[Which is why he's always calling him adorable, really.]
Honestly, you treat it like I should be shocked or appalled -- is it so strange for a familiar to love his master? It may be a bit unorthodox to some, but I wouldn't think so.
But I do wonder... [He leans in closer.] Could it be, you want my love as well?
[OKAY BUT Chuuya really is making some interesting expressions, because how do feelings?? It’s hard to hide just how inexperienced he is at actually dealing with them instead of bottling them up, but it’s probably for the best that they come to light sooner rather than later.
Which is why he doesn’t fight it when Mephisto tilts his chin up, even if eye contact makes this about twenty times harder to deal with. His heart does an odd little fluttery thing when Mephisto says he adores something about him, because god damn it, Chuuya wants nothing more than to be adored by someone...
Or better yet, loved.]
I didn’t know it was that obvious.
[Chuuya please...]
And I dunno, I guess it’s not that weird, but I didn’t really plan on it happening. It just did.
[Ah, and here comes the million dollar question. Chuuya can’t lie, not about this, because he wants to know Mephisto’s feelings as well, even if his answer ends up not being what Chuuya had hoped for.
So with cherry red cheeks Chuuya decides to put his heart on the line, hoping that it won’t end up shattered yet again. The last person he’d fallen for hadn’t exactly worked out, after all.]
Yeah. I do. I want you to love me back.
[But even if Mephisto doesn’t end up feeling the same way Chuuya will continue to serve him as his familiar until he dies. He’s just that loyal.]
[The grin on his face softens into a smile, but he doesn't pull back. He faces Chuuya head on, intending to accept his feelings in whatever way he can-- even in a way he himself doesn't quite know yet.]
If you were to ask me how I feel about you, I would not be able to lie to you.
So ask.
[He's not doing this to tease him. It's intentional -- if he can't lie, then if he knows the answer in his heart, he'll have to say it. For as much as he may pretend otherwise, there's still so much Mephisto doesn't understand about love, after all. Even with Mipha, it took a very long time to recognize it as such.]
[Ask him? Chuuya should just...ask Mephisto how he feels?
...
Why didn’t he think of that? He can’t lie, after all.
...
But is Chuuya really ready to hear the truth? What if the answer is no? Even if he’s sworn to remain loyal no matter what, that doesn’t mean he won’t feel heartache over a rejection.
But he has to know, or he’ll never be able to get on with his life. So he looks Mephisto in the eye and asks the question he’s been dying to know the answer to.]
[And here's where Chuuya is about to see something strange. While he knows that Meph can't lie to him, the exact mechanism that prevents it is a bit more complicated than simply taking Mephisto at his word. In fact, he quite literally can't -- or at least, not so directly and intentionally.]
[After a few seconds, he bows his head and takes a breath to speak--]
[It’s kind of hard to remain calm when he’s waiting with bated breath for Mephisto’s answer, and it seems like an eternity passes as he waits for Mephisto to speak again. The variety of expressions he makes would be highly entertaining if Chuuya weren’t so goddamn nervous...
Oh...well.
...
It’s better than outright rejection?? Which is kind of what Chuuya expected, honestly. He removes his hat and slides his fingers through his hair, letting out a shaky breath.]
...I wasn't sure either, actually. I was hoping my inability to lie to you would force an answer out, but I suppose I can't give an answer if I don't know it.
Human concepts such as love are difficult for most demons to comprehend. We feel emotions on a rather different level than you do, after all... ah, even with Lady Mipha, I'm certain what I feel for her is very different from what she feels for me.
[Just casually brings up his girlfriend in the middle of a failed love confession, sure.]
It’s not like I know what love is supposed to feel like either.
[What he’d felt for Dazai had been the closest thing to romantic love that Chuuya has ever experienced...before now, that is. There’s no convenient manual on how to love or be loved, unfortunately, so Chuuya is pretty much running blind here.
He also knows that whatever exists between Mephisto and Mipha is special, and he wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. But...well. He’s only human, and humans can be rather selfish creatures, so the hope that maybe one day Mephisto might feel the same way about him still lingers.]
...I’ll understand if you want to spend the rest of the day alone.
[This isn’t as awkward as he thought it might be, but he also isn’t sure how to feel. The fact that he hasn’t gotten up yet seems to point to him wanting to stay, though.]
[He reaches up to run his hand through Chuuya's hair, practically petting him. It's strange how casual he is with giving Chuuya affection these days... or maybe it's not strange at all. He may not know the answer to that question, but the fact that he couldn't say no really does speak for itself.]
Besides, you haven't let me finish! I may not be able to answer your question -- but if I may use my own words, I believe I can give you a different answer that should satisfy you.
[But he’s glad that Mephisto doesn’t want him to leave, and he ends up leaning into Mephisto’s touch much like a cat would. So much for not being a pet...but it’s just so nice to be on the receiving end of such affection when he’s been touch-starved nearly all of his life.]
Okay. I’m listening.
[He doesn’t say that to be snarky or impatient. He simply means that he’s willing to listen to whatever Mephisto has to say.]
...have I ever told you what the key difference between human and demon emotions is?
[He's probably explained it in brief detail here and there, but he'll go ahead and explain anyway--]
Unlike humans, who live short lives and change rapidly throughout-- demons seldom change. We are who we are upon "birth" and remain as such until "death". Though more sophisticated demons like myself are capable of growth, "change" is still something we struggle with. I myself am an extreme example. As the concept of time itself, I am the same person at every point of time. The "me" who existed in the dark ages is still very much the "me" that exists in the modern era. My thoughts and feelings rarely change. And while that may not entirely be the case any more-- even though time flows in only one direction for me, the core of who I am and how I feel will never change.
[He reaches down and takes Chuuya's face in his hands.]
I cannot say for certain whether or not what I feel for you now is what a human would consider to be "love". But I can say with absolutely certainty that when I lose you, I shall grieve for you until the end of time.
[The weight of a demon's love was heavy. Even more so for an immortal demon, cursed to be alone at the end of the universe.]
[But it's not a sad thing to Mephisto. Instead, he says all of this with a smile -- as if the thought of having had someone so important that they would weigh on his mind for all time was among the greatest joys he could ever possibly have.]
Perhaps not in a hundred years... nor even five hundred. Thousands of years could pass-- and one day, I'll suddenly be struck by the thought of you and the time we spent together. And my heart will ache with a desire to hold you in my arms once more.
[He thinks Mephisto has mentioned it several times before, and Chuuya had suspected that demons feel things differently for a while now, but having it all laid out on the table like this clears things up tremendously. He’s silent as he listens, because more than anything else he wants to be able to understand his master. Loving someone without understanding who they are is beyond foolish, after all, even if it’s hard to believe that the Mephisto now is fundamentally the same as the demon child who’d caused Chuuya such grief...
But that doesn’t stop Chuuya from loving him, and that’s why he tears up just a little when he hears that Mephisto will mourn him until the end of time. It’s beautifully tragic, and he really can’t hope to hide his emotions when Mephisto is holding his face like this...]
You mean...you don’t mind if I can’t stay with you forever?
[Wouldn’t it be far less painful to spare himself the grief of having loved and lost? But then having such happy memories to accompany him at the end of the world may very well be worth it.
By the time Mephisto finishes what he has to say Chuuya is crying...and blushing, and just generally feeling overwhelmed with emotion. That’s as close to an “I love you” without saying the actual words as Chuuya has ever heard, and he’s incredibly happy and touched that it comes out in the form of tears. They are, however, tinged with just a hint of sadness at the idea of his master being all alone one day...]
Maybe I’ll find a way to live forever. Then it won’t be a problem.
[He knows that’s not gonna happen, but if he tries to say anything sappy he’s gonna burst into sobs or something even more embarrassing.
But he’s gotta say something to express how much those words mean to him...]
It...means a lot to hear that.
[Nailed it.]
I thought I’d die without ever knowing what it felt like to be missed, so. Good to know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Done
Hmm, let's see... what is it you said to me during your little bout of amnesia? Something about a deep connection between us, soulmates-- ah, and how you knew you loved me, even without your memories.
Did my little practical joke make you forget all of that? Or did you simply think I would forget it?
no subject
The more Mephisto says, the redder Chuuya becomes, until he greatly resembles a ripe tomato. He doesn’t remember saying any of that, but Mephisto can’t lie to him, so it must be true. God, how embarrassing,..
Shit. This is exactly what he’d tried to avoid by dropping the cake off instead of delivering it in person. His feelings have only grown ever since that day they’d tracked down one of the kidnappers, and they’d simply begun to overflow after the heart to heart they’d had only a few nights before.
But Chuuya is destined to lose whatever makes him happy. Of that he’s convinced himself. And yet, even as he hides his eyes behind the brim of his hat, he can’t help but want it anyway.]
Fine. You’re right. I guess you’re gonna laugh at me now, right?
[But really, while Mephisto can no doubt be cruel, he shouldn’t assume that his feelings will simply be brushed aside. They’ve come to trust each other a great deal, after all...
He looks a bit apologetic as he speaks.]
I wanted to tell you in person, but I didn’t wanna ruin anything. I didn’t think you knew.
[AS IF IT ISN’T OBVIOUS, CHUUYA...]
no subject
[But he's not going to let him pull away or hide. When Chuuya bows his head to hide his face, Mephisto is quick to seek him out, reaching out with one hand to tilt up his chin and the other to brush his hair out of his face.]
Did you really think I wouldn't know? You're my familiar. I make it my job to know everything I can about you... ah, not that it wasn't terribly obvious. That you wear your heart on your sleeve is one of the things I adore about you.
[Which is why he's always calling him adorable, really.]
Honestly, you treat it like I should be shocked or appalled -- is it so strange for a familiar to love his master? It may be a bit unorthodox to some, but I wouldn't think so.
But I do wonder... [He leans in closer.] Could it be, you want my love as well?
Uses this icon again
[OKAY BUT Chuuya really is making some interesting expressions, because how do feelings?? It’s hard to hide just how inexperienced he is at actually dealing with them instead of bottling them up, but it’s probably for the best that they come to light sooner rather than later.
Which is why he doesn’t fight it when Mephisto tilts his chin up, even if eye contact makes this about twenty times harder to deal with. His heart does an odd little fluttery thing when Mephisto says he adores something about him, because god damn it, Chuuya wants nothing more than to be adored by someone...
Or better yet, loved.]
I didn’t know it was that obvious.
[Chuuya please...]
And I dunno, I guess it’s not that weird, but I didn’t really plan on it happening. It just did.
[Ah, and here comes the million dollar question. Chuuya can’t lie, not about this, because he wants to know Mephisto’s feelings as well, even if his answer ends up not being what Chuuya had hoped for.
So with cherry red cheeks Chuuya decides to put his heart on the line, hoping that it won’t end up shattered yet again. The last person he’d fallen for hadn’t exactly worked out, after all.]
Yeah. I do. I want you to love me back.
[But even if Mephisto doesn’t end up feeling the same way Chuuya will continue to serve him as his familiar until he dies. He’s just that loyal.]
no subject
[The grin on his face softens into a smile, but he doesn't pull back. He faces Chuuya head on, intending to accept his feelings in whatever way he can-- even in a way he himself doesn't quite know yet.]
If you were to ask me how I feel about you, I would not be able to lie to you.
So ask.
[He's not doing this to tease him. It's intentional -- if he can't lie, then if he knows the answer in his heart, he'll have to say it. For as much as he may pretend otherwise, there's still so much Mephisto doesn't understand about love, after all. Even with Mipha, it took a very long time to recognize it as such.]
no subject
...
Why didn’t he think of that? He can’t lie, after all.
...
But is Chuuya really ready to hear the truth? What if the answer is no? Even if he’s sworn to remain loyal no matter what, that doesn’t mean he won’t feel heartache over a rejection.
But he has to know, or he’ll never be able to get on with his life. So he looks Mephisto in the eye and asks the question he’s been dying to know the answer to.]
Do you love me?
[GOD HE’S SO RED RIGHT NOW BUT YOLO.]
1/idk
[After a few seconds, he bows his head and takes a breath to speak--]
no subject
[...]
[Shit.]
no subject
[He clears this throat, cheeks a little red as he switches to "Yes"--]
no subject
[The same things happens.]
[...]
[The fuck does that mean??]
/done
[Least romantic love confession ever. If it can even be called that, when the only answer he can give is--]
...I don't know.
no subject
Oh...well.
...
It’s better than outright rejection?? Which is kind of what Chuuya expected, honestly. He removes his hat and slides his fingers through his hair, letting out a shaky breath.]
That’s okay. At least you told the truth.
[HE DIDN’T HAVE MUCH CHOICE, CHUUYA...]
I wasn’t really sure what to expect, so.
no subject
Human concepts such as love are difficult for most demons to comprehend. We feel emotions on a rather different level than you do, after all... ah, even with Lady Mipha, I'm certain what I feel for her is very different from what she feels for me.
[Just casually brings up his girlfriend in the middle of a failed love confession, sure.]
no subject
[What he’d felt for Dazai had been the closest thing to romantic love that Chuuya has ever experienced...before now, that is. There’s no convenient manual on how to love or be loved, unfortunately, so Chuuya is pretty much running blind here.
He also knows that whatever exists between Mephisto and Mipha is special, and he wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. But...well. He’s only human, and humans can be rather selfish creatures, so the hope that maybe one day Mephisto might feel the same way about him still lingers.]
...I’ll understand if you want to spend the rest of the day alone.
[This isn’t as awkward as he thought it might be, but he also isn’t sure how to feel. The fact that he hasn’t gotten up yet seems to point to him wanting to stay, though.]
no subject
[He reaches up to run his hand through Chuuya's hair, practically petting him. It's strange how casual he is with giving Chuuya affection these days... or maybe it's not strange at all. He may not know the answer to that question, but the fact that he couldn't say no really does speak for itself.]
Besides, you haven't let me finish! I may not be able to answer your question -- but if I may use my own words, I believe I can give you a different answer that should satisfy you.
no subject
[But he’s glad that Mephisto doesn’t want him to leave, and he ends up leaning into Mephisto’s touch much like a cat would. So much for not being a pet...but it’s just so nice to be on the receiving end of such affection when he’s been touch-starved nearly all of his life.]
Okay. I’m listening.
[He doesn’t say that to be snarky or impatient. He simply means that he’s willing to listen to whatever Mephisto has to say.]
no subject
[He's probably explained it in brief detail here and there, but he'll go ahead and explain anyway--]
Unlike humans, who live short lives and change rapidly throughout-- demons seldom change. We are who we are upon "birth" and remain as such until "death". Though more sophisticated demons like myself are capable of growth, "change" is still something we struggle with. I myself am an extreme example. As the concept of time itself, I am the same person at every point of time. The "me" who existed in the dark ages is still very much the "me" that exists in the modern era. My thoughts and feelings rarely change. And while that may not entirely be the case any more-- even though time flows in only one direction for me, the core of who I am and how I feel will never change.
[He reaches down and takes Chuuya's face in his hands.]
I cannot say for certain whether or not what I feel for you now is what a human would consider to be "love". But I can say with absolutely certainty that when I lose you, I shall grieve for you until the end of time.
[The weight of a demon's love was heavy. Even more so for an immortal demon, cursed to be alone at the end of the universe.]
[But it's not a sad thing to Mephisto. Instead, he says all of this with a smile -- as if the thought of having had someone so important that they would weigh on his mind for all time was among the greatest joys he could ever possibly have.]
Perhaps not in a hundred years... nor even five hundred. Thousands of years could pass-- and one day, I'll suddenly be struck by the thought of you and the time we spent together. And my heart will ache with a desire to hold you in my arms once more.
no subject
[He thinks Mephisto has mentioned it several times before, and Chuuya had suspected that demons feel things differently for a while now, but having it all laid out on the table like this clears things up tremendously. He’s silent as he listens, because more than anything else he wants to be able to understand his master. Loving someone without understanding who they are is beyond foolish, after all, even if it’s hard to believe that the Mephisto now is fundamentally the same as the demon child who’d caused Chuuya such grief...
But that doesn’t stop Chuuya from loving him, and that’s why he tears up just a little when he hears that Mephisto will mourn him until the end of time. It’s beautifully tragic, and he really can’t hope to hide his emotions when Mephisto is holding his face like this...]
You mean...you don’t mind if I can’t stay with you forever?
[Wouldn’t it be far less painful to spare himself the grief of having loved and lost? But then having such happy memories to accompany him at the end of the world may very well be worth it.
By the time Mephisto finishes what he has to say Chuuya is crying...and blushing, and just generally feeling overwhelmed with emotion. That’s as close to an “I love you” without saying the actual words as Chuuya has ever heard, and he’s incredibly happy and touched that it comes out in the form of tears. They are, however, tinged with just a hint of sadness at the idea of his master being all alone one day...]
Maybe I’ll find a way to live forever. Then it won’t be a problem.
[He knows that’s not gonna happen, but if he tries to say anything sappy he’s gonna burst into sobs or something even more embarrassing.
But he’s gotta say something to express how much those words mean to him...]
It...means a lot to hear that.
[Nailed it.]
I thought I’d die without ever knowing what it felt like to be missed, so. Good to know.